Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Incomplete

it's roughly about 300 something words atm, uh feel free to comment, still more to come.




It was a late autumn afternoon, as he strode into what was probably one of many Mcdonald’s in Paris. He walked up to the counter, and stood back from the queue to look at the menu. He smirked to himself as he saw “hamburger royale” amongst the French menu.

“He got it wrong” He thought to himself.

He walked up to the nearest counter and managed to fumble through with bad French, then eventually once his meal came up he went and sat down in a booth not far from the back.

He was just sipping on his soda, when a Caucasian man with slick backed hair dressed in a suit sat across from him.

“Excuse me, do I know you?” he said.

“No, not really, but I know you Jules, names Lenny” the man in the suit said as he extended his hand across the table.

Jules stared back at him emotionlessly as he slipped a French fry into his mouth.

“Do you mind telling me why you’re here son?”

Lenny slowly pulled back his hand and then rested his hands on his chin.

“Oh right, sorry yea I work for Marsellus, and no I’m not here to kill you, so you can put your gun away.” he said with a hint of cockiness in his voice.

There was a moment of silence as Jules glared at him with intent. Then just over the general background murmur going on the restaurant there was a barely audible click as the trigger of Jules’ handgun was replaced into its less deadly position. Jules then quickly and smoothly pulled his hand back from under the table and tucked his pistol into the back of his pants and under his shirt.

“So you’re here for one of 2 reasons, since you’re not here to kill me, I’m guessing that means it’s reason number 2”

2 comments:

  1. The beginning is very attractive and the dialogue is quite vivid, also,the description is very interesting. But i hope you can tell us some backgroung of the character, for example,the audience may hope to know which movie does the main character comes from, orwhat's the name of the character, so that the audience can follow up more easily.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting start! You conveyed the tension well. Eager to see how the story unfolds.

    ReplyDelete