Charlie didn’t know what to expect as he stood behind the gates of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Waiting eagerly alongside 4 other lucky ‘Golden Ticket’ winners, the day he had been dreaming of for as long as he could remember had finally come – the day he would meet Mr. Wonka, and step foot into his Chocolate Factory. After a moment of quiet anticipation, the front factory doors swung open and a distant figure came strolling into view – none other than Mr. Wonka himself. Charlie and the four other children stared in awe as he approached them. Cane in hand, Willy Wonka stopped just before the gate, swung his arms into the air, and in showy fashion the gate doors parted harmoniously.
“Welcome children! You five have been fortunate enough to each find a Golden Ticket! As reward, you are cordially invited to a tour of my Chocolate Factory, and ONE of you will even learn the secret ingredient… to my infamous Wonka chocolate!”
Charlie’s eyes lit up at the thought. Could he really be that ONE?
Willy Wonka shook hands with each of the children, Charlie being the last.
“And what might your name be?”“Charlie Bucket, Mr. Wonka!” he exclaimed.
Willy Wonka seemed a little surprised by his enthusiasm, a large grin soon spreading across his face. Without any further words, Willy Wonka stood upright, directed his cane to the Chocolate Factory entrance doors and yelled “Let’s go children!”The children excitedly raced on in, Willy Wonka following soon after. As the doors closed behind them, Willy Wonka’s grin grew even wider…
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After a while of travelling through maze-like halls and bizarre lopsided rooms, Willy Wonka and the children reached a single door.
“You are now about to enter the nerve centre to the entire Wonka factory. Inside this room all of my dreams become realities, and some of my realities become dreams. And almost everything you see is edible…”
“Let me in I’m starving!” hefty Augustus Gloop cried hungrily.
“Now don’t get over-excited, don’t lose your head Augustus. We wouldn’t want anyone to lose that!” He warned.
Willy Wonka soon turned the door knob, revealing a room made entirely out of chocolate and candy. The children darted off in all directions, unable to control their cravings.
Willy Wonka loomed upon a busy Augustus, slurping as much his pudgy hands could cup from a pool of chocolate milk.
“You seem to be enjoying that, Augustus.”
Drinking greedily, Augustus took no notice of Willy Wonka standing right behind him. A smile wiped across his face as he peered down at the boy.
“I told you not to get over-excited…”
Willy Wonka muttered, suddenly pushing an unaware Augustus into the pool. Too heavy to support himself, a flailing Augustus was soon submerged and out of sight.
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Your story is very interesting, the content is very smooth and attractive, and the description is quite vivid and descriptive. Aslo, the dialogue sound fun and reasonable.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning can easily attract the reader's eye, but i recommend you that you seperate your first paragraph into 2, so that it is easier to follow.
Anyway, we are expecting to your following works.
I really enjoy the premise of what you're aiming for, but one problem i have with it at the moment is that's its pretty similar to original premise so far, apart from the little bit at the end, of course it's early days yet, but i hope you expand from the original plot a bit more.
ReplyDeleteYea I felt the same way when I was writing it. I was trying to keep the essence of the film with a bit of a twist. I'll see what I can improve on, thanks!
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